


Magic is the Worst

by arianapeterson19



Series: Avengers Shorts [40]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Flirting, Creepy, Feminist Themes, Fights, I'm just bored, Magic, Not Beta Read, Tony Feels, Unwanted Advances, also bored, because why not, just trying to explain things, magic transformation, mainly bored, not a feminist, sorta - Freeform, temporary female character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arianapeterson19/pseuds/arianapeterson19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as magic went it wasn't the worst thing to have happened to Tony but it also wasn't turning out how he wanted. He was going to find Loki and demand a refund.</p><p>OR</p><p>The one where Tony gets turned into a lady.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic is the Worst

It wasn’t the time to laugh, it really wasn’t, but there was just something entirely hilarious about Tony Stark being turned into a woman. And even that wouldn’t have been enough to shake Agent Phil Coulson’s normally stoic behavior but the added element that the rest of the world outside of the Avenger’s and himself didn’t recall Tony Stark ever being a man pushed him over the edge. Loki had truly outdone himself this time.

“My boobs aren’t even that big,” said Tony, grabbing his newly produced breasts with each hand.

“Disappointed?” teased Clint.

“Pleased,” replied Tony, still fondling his own boobs. “They are the perfect handful, no waste.”

“You’re shorter than I expected,” said Steve. 

“You’ve pictured me as a woman?” said Tony, raising one slim eyebrow at the super soldier who towered over him even more so than before. Tony, who hadn’t been tall for a male, was 5’2” as a lady.

“No,” said Steve, flushing. “I just didn’t realize changing your gender would change your height as well.”

“Magic sucks,” said Clint.

“I don’t know, this could be fun,” said Tony, bouncing on his feet a bit, getting used to his new legs. “And it should turn back soon, right Thor?”

“48 hours at most,” reported Thor.

“So 48 hours of guys opening doors for me and getting to yell at everyone else for things and then blaming it on them? This sounds like fun.”

Tony quickly found out that it wasn’t as much fun as he thought it would be. It wasn’t awful but it wasn’t the cake walk he had been expecting. He diminished height meant he couldn’t reach the top shelf of anything anymore. That was an annoyance but workable since he lived with the other Avengers who didn’t mind getting things for him when they were in the room and every other time he would just climb on the counter to get it. It wasn’t until they went out for dinner that the real problems occurred.

The Avengers walked. It wasn’t far from the tower, the restaurant, and it was a nice evening. Tony wore a red dress because he wanted to show off his new body – even though the body wasn’t new to the rest of the world. Heels proved to be a bit more of a challenge so he picked some little ballet flats. 

It wasn’t that anyone had done or said anything outrageous. They hadn’t, but for some reason Tony was on edge with all the strangers around. Something just wasn’t quite right but Tony felt silly complaining about something that didn’t seem like a big deal.

“What’s wrong?” asked Steve quietly when the waiter left to put in their order.

“I’m not sure,” admitted Tony, shifting slightly, looking over his shoulder to spot two different men checking him out from their tables. “I just feel uneasy.”

“That’s called being a woman,” replied Natasha, sipping her wine across the table. “You’ll get used to it.”

“See, I told you all women are paranoid,” crowed Clint.

“No,” aid Natasha loftily. “Aware. Over the years you just acquire a sense of awareness that men have on a different level. We have to know when people are checking us out or may pose a threat. It helps. Like I said, you’ll get used to it. It becomes second nature.”

“I don’t think I like those guys staring at me,” announced Tony. “I’m gorgeous, I know, but I just want to eat my meal in peace.”

“Here’s your drink, honey,” aid the waiter, setting a glass of wine in front of Tony.

“I didn’t order this,” said Tony.

“It’s from the man in the red tie,” replied the waiter. 

Tony glanced over at the man who raised his own drink in the billionaire’s direction. Tony squirmed and turned back to the table. He was clearly out with friends, he wasn’t interested in picking anyone up. Or being picked up. He just wanted to enjoy a nice night out with friends but he also didn’t want to cause a scene, so Tony thanked the waiter and moved the drink just out of easy reach so he wouldn’t accidentally drink it. It wasn’t that Tony didn’t appreciate being sent a drink – he had sent many drinks before himself – it was just that he didn’t know his new bodies limits and didn’t want to get in trouble by drinking too much.

Dinner continued on and Tony quietly got up to use the restroom – and boy wasn’t that a strange concept for him. For several long minutes he stood outside of the two bathroom doors, one to the men’s and one to the women’s, and debated which door to go through. Mentally, he was still a man but physically he was a woman. Which was worse, going into the men’s restroom while in a woman’s body and disturbing the social norm or going into the women’s restroom while mentally a man and violate the security of the unknowing women. And they wouldn’t know they were being violated but that made it worse. At last Tony decided to just enter the women’s bathroom and keep his eyes on the floor. When he was done, Tony left the bathroom as quickly as possible.

“Hello, Ms. Stark,” said a deep voice, causing Tony to look up and find himself staring at the man who sent him a drink. He was blocking the way back to the rest of the restaurant.

“Hello,” said Tony. “Excuse me.”

The man moved to block Tony again when the genius made to move around him.

“I’m Quill,” said the man.

“How literary,” said Tony drily. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a dinner to get back to eating.”

“I noticed you didn’t enjoy the drink I bought you.”

“Not really drinking tonight.”

“Please,” scoffed Quill. “Toni Stark always drinks. Come to my table, I’ll get you whatever you want to drink.”

“No thanks, buddy, but thanks for the offer.”

“What’s crawled up your vagina?” snapped Quill, stepping into Tony’s personal bubble, backing the genius against the wall and making Tony very uncomfortable.

“Just leave me alone,” said Tony, rolling his eyes. “I’m a fucking Avenger, I can kick your ass.”

“Please, you whore, as if.”

Then Tony did something he didn’t think he would ever do; he kneed Quill in the balls and ran back to the table.

“What took you so long?” asked Bruce when Tony finally slid into his seat.

“A creep his hit on me and wouldn’t take a hint,” replied Tony, trying to keep his voice light and carefree and not give away how uncomfortable he felt.

“You should have at least sipped the drink he sent you,” said Clint.

“No, that only encourages them,” said Natasha, hitting Clint on the arm. “Tony, you did the correct thing, not drinking it. Where you went wrong was when you went to the bathroom alone after you blatantly ignored the drink. Rookie mistake.”

“Wait, exactly how many girls know these rules?” asked Tony. “Is this something you learn in super-spy school?”

“No, this is something you learn growing up female,” laughed Natasha. “That’s one of the reasons girls go to the bathroom in groups, to avoid unwanted confrontations. You never lose sight of your drink when out, read the room and always pay attention when you should ignore the blatant come on’s and when you need to stop it.”

“And girls just know this?”

“Most of them, yes.”

“That’s stupid.”

“It’s needed. Until the world grows a pair and stops acting like they own anything smaller than it, girls have to take such precautions. It’s not a big deal. Honestly most of us don’t even think about it, it’s second nature.”

“It’s still stupid,” muttered Tony, looking down at his plate and stabbing his pasta.

Tony decided that there were too many rules to being a girl, too many things you had to be aware of, so until he changed back into his normal body he stayed in his workshop. After that he stopped making fun of the groups of girls he saw heading to the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I'm bored, sleep deprived, and left unsupervised.
> 
> Always,  
> Ari


End file.
